Every year millions of Americans gather around the dinner table to give thanks while eating excessive amounts of food. Many people would even describe Thanksgiving as their favorite holiday of the year. But what makes it so special? Even though this is a time for everyone to give thanks, the real celebration revolves around the food.
Turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, dinner rolls – the list of Thanksgiving food goes on and on. But with so much food on the table, what should be eaten first? This is part of the great American dilemma, and it’s one that should be tackled today.
There is only so much food on your mother’s fine china, which is why this is such a serious issue facing many Americans today.
“Plate size is definitely an issue in my eyes,” said a turkey. He continued, “I’m sick of laying there next to those punk mashed potatoes with their gravy running into my cranberries.”
When it comes to Thanksgiving feasting, the best idea is to develop a well thought-out game plan. The first step is to decide what food should go on the plate first. Obviously there are many factors that play into this, including siblings and your father, who hogs all the gravy.
The next step is to gather your choice piece of turkey. Odds are everyone will be distracted with your mother’s famous casserole or the green beans that are “to die for,” so the turkey should be the primary target. Once you have acquired the biggest drumstick or the best pieces of white meat, the side dishes have to step up to the plate.
Make sure the mashed potatoes are high on the priority list as well. Unfortunately, there are never enough mashed potatoes to go around, and there is probably someone in your family who takes more than his fair share. (I’m looking at you, dad.)
After getting enough mashed potatoes to do some damage but not enough to upset anyone, then you must hold them hostage. Negotiate with someone who has the third dish you want and hope they are willing to trade. Sadly, the bread has to be the dish that waits, because there is usually enough to go around by the time the rest of the delicious items have been claimed.
However, tradition always reigns over Thanksgiving, despite the compulsive need to load up a plate. For some families, however, the traditions can get a little strange.
“In the past years, it has been a little tradition in my family that my mom would buy this incredibly yummy sourdough bread that is in the shape of a turkey,” said Diana Wallace, a senior applied exercise science major. “We started doing this when my brother decided to become a vegetarian, so that he could enjoy turkey with us. And we have a habit of fighting over who gets to eat each part of the bread because it’s deliciously morbid.”
Clearly, Wallace’s family knows how to properly spend Thanksgiving: fighting over oddly shaped sourdough bread. However, senior theater major Toria Chatburn’s family has another Thanksgiving tradition.
“Pumpkin mushroom soup. It’s a Susan original (my mommy) and its bangin! One Thanksgiving, my sister had her roommate Jen and Jen’s boyfriend John over for Thanksgiving. I was 14 and thought John was cute. My great aunt, who was 70, also thought he was cute and told him she could eat him up for dessert … He never came back. We all bond over that soup,” said Chatburn in an email interview.
One thing is certain about Thanksgiving: It is all about the food and making strangers feel uncomfortable. Everyone can think of at least one Thanksgiving when a family member wondered why you are still single even though Charles Manson isn’t, but that is just another part of the great American tradition that is Thanksgiving. And don’t forget, wake up early the next day to go buy new things to be thankful for!