ZU TV Executive Producer Sarah E. Sudfeld writes her final article for ZU News
Cue the dramatic music – something from the “Pride and Prejudice” soundtrack, maybe even the “Hannah Montana Forever” album. Let’s lean in to my nostalgia, and be cliche together as I reminisce on my collegiate experience and what I’ve learned in the last four years.
At the beginning of this final semester in college, I thought to myself that it was important for me to have a life motto. I spent a few days mulling it over and this is what I got: “Embrace the suck. Avoid the dumb. Prepare for rain. Pray for surf. Enjoy the process.”
I’ll probably look back years from now and be my biggest hater. What kind of a person thinks a life motto before graduation is necessary? But here I am, in the here and now, thinking it has profound meaning. Allow me to indulge.
Embrace the suck
It was Winston Churchill that famously stated, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal.” The late APU President Jon Wallace said that quote to me as I conducted an interview with him on February 5th, 2019. I was new to the field of journalism, and soaked up all of his words.
He added, “God has called us to faithfulness, not success. My best learning — and yours — is often through difficult times, not successful times.”
Embracing the suck means to risk failure in order to dare to live your life completely. Success is not the end goal, but living an extraordinary life filled with ups and downs is.
During my junior year, I transferred to The King’s College in New York City and played collegiate basketball, while also taking a class at comedy school, Upright Citizens Brigade. Learning the art of improvisational comedy at UCB was one of the most vulnerable experiences I’ve ever been through. Far out from my comfort zone, I was forced to think on my feet and finish the scenes. One time, my teacher Caroline Fiona Martin told our class, “embarrassment will not kill you.” After countless times of feeling like it would, I am alive today to tell you that it never did.
Playing basketball on the D3 level was a similar experience, I had not been training for the season — unless you count losing every single game of intramural basketball my sophomore year — and was thrown onto the court. After missing countless threes and deeply seated feeling like I sucked, I persevered and ended up earning the All-Conference title in the HIVAC league.
Sucking at things, I’ve learned, is a necessary part of life, and it’s led to the greatest character builds of my life.
Avoid the dumb
Contrary to popular opinion, avoiding the dumb is about how we treat people, not about doing dumb things. Avoid acting dumb, and acting like your words do not hurt others.
It doesn’t mean stop being the DJ at your local Applebee’s, or dancing in the movie theater while watching the remake of Mary Poppins. My freshman year in Adam’s Hall was nothing but dumb decisions — climbing into attics, shotgunning La Croix and participating in camp-like sing-a-longs. We were not cool, but dumb. However, the way that the women on the second floor treated one another has made for some of the most rich friendships I’ve ever known. We started college together, leaned on one another and now I leave with wonderful friendships. And for that I yell, “ADAM’S HALL FOREVER!”
So let’s treat each other swell, and choose to know the power within our words, and the effect they can have on those around us. As Maya Angelou puts it, “Try to be the rainbow in someone else’s cloud.”
Prepare for the rain
Preparing for rain is an interesting one. Sometimes you never know what doing something seemingly “meaningless” will do for you. As the social media intern for Campus Life (formerly Communiversity), I started a little show called “Morning Tea.” It didn’t get many views, which was often discouraging, and it also took a lot of time and energy to produce. I often wondered in the early a.m. why I was doing this. However, I look back and see a masterful plan taking place.
On our homecoming week episode, I found out that the Vice President for Student Affairs, Shino Simons, Ph.D wanted to help and be on the show. The fact that a woman with her Ph.D wanted to wear a purple wig, bulky turtleneck and dance with reckless abandon made me respect her deeply. Two years later, she would become my mentor and be the source of some of my greatest advice. Not only does she push me to be better in character, but has taught me to be confident in who God has called me to be. Cheers to you Shino!
Pray for surf
I once heard this analogy that life is a series of waves. Sometimes it can feel like none are coming, that the water is dead and flat, yet there is always another wave crashing on the shore… eventually. To live life in prayer for the next wave means to constantly ready yourself, and give the rest up to the spiritual power of life. For me, I see that spiritual power through the Holy Trinity, but for you it might look different.
No matter what you believe or don’t believe, we can’t control much about our existence on earth. However, we can control our attitude and our reactions to the waves that throw themselves at us. Pray and hope for the best, prepare your heart and the rest will (most likely) work out. I say this out of humility, as I know it’s one of the many things that my soul must adjust to.
Enjoy the process
The biggest realization from this pandemic interfering with my life’s plans was that life happens each day and rarely ever goes in tandem with my plans. I often centered my focus in college around getting the assignment, article, video, paper, podcast — whatever it was — done. It’s been in COVID-19 that I realized the process of life, the day to day, is what it’s all about. Enjoying the process of it all turns out to be what matters most.
I was stressed about getting the article on President Jon Wallace done. I wanted it to be perfect because it was a big deal that he had sat down to talk with me in the first place. Soon after the interview started, I had an overwhelming peace come over me, allowing me to be completely present. Once the interview was over, we engaged in conversation. He cared so much about my seemingly little life even though he was juggling much more on his own plate — the presidential leadership of APU, his final semester on campus and yet another round of chemotherapy. However, he still took the time to get to know me. It’s one of my most sacred memories.
As we began to part ways that day, President Wallace went to his desk and grabbed an empty diploma case. He told me that he wouldn’t be there when I graduated, but he wanted me to have it. He took out a sharpie and wrote in it, “Sarah, what a great day! ‘Shalom, go with God’’ and signed the bottom with his infamously big “J” and scribbled his name. At the time, I thought it was meaningful because he would no longer be president when my graduation day came. Little did I know that it would be because he’d be looking from heaven.
Given that my parents have become my new roommates this year and that my commencement ceremony will be held over Zoom, graduation won’t be the “great day” that I had imagined.
Yet, it is still great. I get to leave APU with profound gratitude, as I got the opportunity to learn, write, make videos, live in New York City, have dance parties in Adam’s Hall and enjoy every moment of it.
To me, there is poetry in everything. President Wallace’s diploma case will soon be filled with a diploma that says my name. Even though I’ll be graduating in a few days with my B.A. in Journalism: News and Storytelling, I realize that it was never about the actual diploma. Rather, it was about the memories I made along the way.
Thanks to the guidance of my mentor, Shino Simons, my family and the countless professors that invested in me and Christ, I feel as though I get to walk away with a profound confidence in who I am and who God is in my life. I leave with an understanding that my faith and APU’s curriculum are two separate entities, and each very valuable. And I can’t help but live that out by being myself.
With that realization down, there are places to be, people to meet, and a world to change for the better. With God, a genuine curiosity — and dare I say — zest for life, I move past university into the wonderfully adventurous unknown.
Peace and blessings,
Love and understanding,
Sarah E. Sudfeld, OUT.