How are we able to go through pain in our day to day lives and overcome it so quickly?
Losing someone close to you is like someone locked you in a dark room alone and pressed pause on the earth’s rotation. Your heart feels as if it has been ripped out of your chest multiple times. All you feel is pain, and you don’t know why.
I experienced this feeling when Codi Petrie, a friend, passed away. I met her in high school, and she was a bright light in a room. She was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma cancer in 2016 and fought cancer for four years. Codi was vigorous. While she fought cancer, she poured into others but lost her battle to cancer in 2020.
A close friend of mine informed me of her passing while I was visiting family in the Vegas area. There was so much disbelief and confusion running through my head because it felt unreal. Why would anyone want to take away such a powerful and beautiful life like Codi’s?
This miserable feeling that Liberty High School and I were experiencing is something I wouldn’t want others to encounter. You question why life is painful. The loss of a person you love is like you’re in a nightmare where the hurt never stops.
The Questions I Had For God
I questioned whether or not God was on my side. The lives he was taking away felt like a punishment or consequence.
I have experienced this feeling of loss and pain with the absence of a family member or friend. I am reminded of their losses every year. It seems as though God had ripped them out of my life, and the last memories I have are of how they suffered in the end.
Why would God want me to have the last memories of loved ones of their suffering? I feel as though I am being tortured or punished for the sins that I have made in my life. Because of my sins, I feel as though God is punishing me by not allowing my last memories of my loved ones to be happy.
I thought to myself each time: Why did God remove them from my life? I could never understand why someone would want this agony in the world. I felt shame for thinking these thoughts because I know God has a plan and nothing goes unused but the shame was towards my questioning of his work.
Finding Hope
Everyone has to go through pain because there is light at the end of the tunnel. I can blame God for removing them from my life, but that isn’t productive. I realized that God saw they could not enjoy life in the state they were in, so he decided to remove that pain and give them peace.
When my grandma was suffering and battling cancer, it felt like she wanted to continue to live so she wouldn’t miss out on memories. I tried to not be selfish. I prayed that she would get better and that she would see another day. But that is selfish for me to want that for her, as I could see in her eyes that she didn’t want to keep fighting. That was when I realized that her time on earth was coming to a close.
The last memory I have of her before she died was the amount of laughter that was spreading around the room. We were all making plans to bring Thanksgiving food over and even though she couldn’t eat it, she was happy to spend Thanksgiving with us. I didn’t know how to feel when my mom got that phone call on Thanksgiving Day that her mother had passed away. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone; it’s a pain that you don’t want your mother to go through.
When her life ended, I felt heartache and disbelief. I came to the realization that the Lord ends pain through death and gives us eternal life. God turned her suffering into peace so that she could have a better life in heaven.
I should be thankful that there is no more agony and discomfort. Heartache is hard to deal with when losing someone, but I am reminded that they are not hurting anymore. Instead, they have comfort and so do I; knowing that in the end, I will find peace too.
It never crossed my mind that I would neglect God’s plan and choose to linger in pain. However, I have found peace after every pain and death that I have gone through because those I have lost are in a better place and no longer suffering. This is a time to reflect and be thankful that you have these memories that you’ll carry with you.
Even if these memories are good or bad, they stay with you and you’re able to pass on these memories to someone else. When someone is taken off from Earth and released into a better place, you’ll have the opportunity to talk about how they were when they were alive.
That is why we’re given hope and peace because, in the end, someone will want to know what your best and worst memories are with that person. It depicts how they were as a person and how much love you had for them.
We have to go through the pain and suffering to find happiness and peace at the end of the road. Now, we must follow God’s path because He works in mysterious ways.