Courtesy: Kat English
The spring semester is coming to an end, which means it is time to pick out classes and roommates for the fall. While some roommates got along without a hitch, other relationships were a little more bumpy. If you no longer want to live with your roommate next year, just face it: It’s breakup season.
Breaking up may sound harsh, but it could be easier than you think. Don’t be too scared of hurt feelings — it is with good intentions you are potentially ending the misery of both parties.
“I think a kind, yet direct approach is best. You don’t want them to find out through the people you are going to room with because then they will wonder, ‘Why didn’t you tell me first?'” said junior business management and theology double major Mitch Friesen, an RA in Alosta Place. “So you want to be direct. You want to let them know it’s not because of anything they did wrong.”
Sami Cromelin, assistant resident director in Alosta Place, pointed out that sometimes, it’s better to live with other people in order to maintain a healthy friendship.
“I’ve seen situations where they were living together and it wasn’t working out. Then they switched apartments, and then they were best friends,” Cromelin said. “There are some people you just can’t live with.”
According to RA Garret Bauer, being as direct as possible with your current roommates can help avoid hurt feelings. It might not be comfortable, but it will pay off in the long run.
“Go into it with love. Obviously things happen where you don’t want to room with those people next year,” Bauer said. “Probably the best way is to have a conversation and then explain to them the different personalities, maybe the reasons why you don’t want to, say their pet peeves, and [that] you just don’t feel [it is] a beneficial thing living together because of it.”
Junior psychology major Brett Harrison, an RA in Bowles, offered a Q-and-A with the Clause about the dynamics of roommate breakups.
Clause: What are some examples of an unhealthy living situation?
BH: I would say passive aggressiveness is probably one of the biggest issues that can come up in a roommate situation, when people aren’t open about how they feel or what they are thinking. It’s a subtle conflict that rises progressively, and I feel like no matter what stage it’s in, from what I’ve seen, it’s always been an issue.
Lack of communication is probably one of the biggest ones for the same reason. … There’s a lot of things going on and without sharing those, I feel like there can be a lot of issues and lot of tension in a rooming situation.
C: What basic steps would you recommend taking to break up with your roommate?
BH: Respect the person enough to not beat around the bush, and just address the fact that you’re not living together. Don’t lead them on. Let them know in advance so they have time to figure out another living situation because the scariest time at APU is finding roommates every year.
C: Is it good or bad to live with your best friends?
BH: I think a good living situation is independent of if they are your best friend or not. I think you can have a great living situation and they can be your best friend or it can be your best friend and be a bad situation. I think it’s dependent on a lot of other factors.
C: With the housing hunger games that happen at APU, some people have to split a larger group essentially in half to fit into smaller housing. What is a good way to handle splitting up into smaller groups without hurt feelings?
BH: Just realize it is what it is and don’t let your emotions get in the way. Move forward with positivity because if that’s what’s going to have to happen, it’s better to have a positive attitude going into it.
C: How should students handle getting broken up with?
BH: I would say, if they are upset, take the time to look within themselves and process that emotion. Have a conversation with the [the roommate] reminding them that they can still be friends. Then, since you have to live somewhere next year, start the search for a roommate next year.
C: What are some bad ways to break up with a roommate?
BH: One, the day before housing decisions would probably be a bad one. Again, beating around the bush and not really addressing anything and making it really vague. I think being really matter-of-fact can be really good in these situations with love and with empathy, but a lack of empathy and just directness would be an issue as well.
This interview was edited for content in order to fit a cohesive Q-and-A format with the permission of the interviewee.