Christians weigh in on the touchy topic of getting marriage young.

Scott Jacob | Contributing Writer

Golden rays drift toward the freshly cut green grass, on which pearl white chairs elegantly gleam and sparkle, eagerly awaiting close friends, family and a culmination of life’ s experience. The audience files in, each person dressed in a firmly pressed suit or dress, the smell of a hot iron escaping rich threads intermingling amongst piquant perfumes. Familiar and intimate music plays as the bride takes her last steps toward her fiancé, and the first nervous steps toward her husband.

The romanticization of this scene begins at a very young age for most; the anticipation of a magnificent covenant is a foundation seen within the Christian value system. In the midst of delicate white linens and complex wedding plans, a question arises: Is there an unnecessary pressure put on Christian youth to get married?

Yet before this exploration goes any further, there must be delineation be- tween the social controversies of marriage and the issue of youth marriages. A thorough discussion regarding the biblical interpretations of marriage is increasingly necessary in the Christian community, but what will be discussed here is our perception of marriage in the traditionally accepted sense.

A 2008 Barna study with a base of 3,792 adults put the Christian divorce rate at 33 percent, a higher rate than atheists (30 percent), yet lower than persons affiliated with religions outside Christianity (38 percent). It is natural to look through these numbers with a sense of skepticism due to the small control group, yet the numbers shed light on the issue of divorce within the church. No longer can Christians blame failed marriages on a lack of religious morals; in actuality this study increases the immediacy of an in-depth personal analysis of the Christian marriage system.

Mark 10:6-9 says: “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

The book of Mark does not minimize the gravity of the covenant, as he compares the vow between each individual with a literal integration of flesh. A greater commitment among two is scarce, and because that is the case, one must ask if there is an age of maturity required for a couple to be earnestly prepared for such an endeavor.

Scott Sinner, senior pastor at Green V alley Community Church in Placerville, Calif., commented on the difficulties a young couple may face.

“Some of the risks include maturity, such as not having enough life experience of knowing how to navigate through the inevitable relational issues,” Sinner said. “In addition to this, financial pressure is a major issue. Most young adults are still trying to nail down a career type of job to make ends meet.”

While financial circumstances should not ultimately deter a loving relationship, reality sets in when there is little food left in the cupboard and bills begin to pile up on the counter.

Matt and Bri Cook, both 21 years- old, are newlyweds and APU seniors.

“The two biggest obstacles have been finances and lack of time together with our busy schedules,” Matt Cook said regarding his recent marriage. “We had to be creative with our scheduling and quickly learned how to budget our time well. As far as finances, God has always been faithful in his provisions for us.”

With Matt working more than 25 hours a week on top of his undergraduate studies, and Bri holding down a teaching job on top of her own set of classes, the two take solace in their weekend downtime.

“The main reason we got married was because we’re best friends and we love each other, and we knew that our marriage would be a good Christian witness in today’s world, ” Cook said. “ We knew we wanted to get married and since we were able to figure out finances, we did not see the point in waiting.”

The couple dated for seven months before Matt proposed to Bri in Yosemite National Park, and they were married five months after.

Underneath the luxuries of financial success and the wealth of free time, there must be an honest love for one another. Yet a certain level of financial competency and future plans must be taken into account before making a lifelong commitment. Regardless of what stance a church takes on the issue, there needs to be a welcoming environment that will foster growth in a marriage. Counseling, communication programs and serving opportunities need to be available for married couples in an attempt to show them their strengths and weaknesses, while at the same time bringing them closer to God as a couple.
An unpopular topic amongst eager Christian couples is the issue of premarital sex and the role this plays in a couple’s decision to get married young. This is undoubtedly present within the young coupled Christian community.

“Within the church it would be Paul’s words that encourage youth marriage: ‘better to marry than burn with desire,’” Sinner said. “I understand what Paul meant and agree to an extent, but this teaching has been used without regards to what marriage is and has caused other kinds of problems.”

When sexual desires are viewed as explicit carnal sins and are treated harshly within the church (outside of the bond of marriage), it is to be expected that two young practicing Christians will marry in order to be viewed favorably by their peers and family members.

No simple solution to this layer of the issue has been foreseen, but what could make a big difference is a more centralized focus on sexual education within the church.

“There is a[n] unnecessary stigma of shame that comes from within Christianity in regards to sexual de- sires,” Sacramento State senior Steven Vance said. “I’m sure the church doesn’t want to condone aimless sexual indulgence but there at least needs to be a honest discussion without extreme judgment. ”

Vance is a former Catholic who left the church due to a pervasive enforcement of guilt upon sins.

“I honestly don’t want to look down on young marriages, but it seems like there are so many who aren’t ready for that massive commitment. It’ s meant to be for your whole life and that’s what I think people fail to understand fully.”

However, where there are warnings, struggles and doubt there is also hope, love and deeply profound promises. It is not constructive to whole- heartedly vilify young marriages or to shame the way in which churches have gone about promoting matrimony. On the contrary, a challenge to such an ancient, powerful institution shows that there is room to grow, and through that space the church has opportunity.

“Open discussion is the first practical step towards ending sexual demonization,” Vance said. “Classes, small groups, and a deeper look at Scripture are all vital to a better understanding. But above all there needs to be mutual respect between clergy and churchgoers when talking through this sensitive issue.”

Tim Fulton, a pastor and marriage counselor at Green Valley Community Church, gives this advice to young men and women seriously contemplating taking the next step towards marriage: “Take your time. In relationships, there is always enough time to do things right. Get your own stuff together. Get to know each other’s family. Listen to people who have your best interests in mind.”

Marriage cannot be used as a safety net for individuals who are uncertain of their future, or hope that permanently having a companion in their life will eventually fix their damages and baggage. Finding that balance may very well take longer than many budget for.

“If your paths don’t match, you may just want to stay supportive friends,” Fulton said. “You want someone who is going in the same direction as you and who has the same vision of life.”