Growing up in Russia, one APU student is finally getting more chances to speak on what is really going on in her home country.
“In my country, we don’t really talk about politics; you’re either silent, even with your family, or you support the government,” Russian citizen Mary* said, who’s last name will be absent for her safety.
Mary, a freshman cinematic arts student at Azusa Pacific University, feels that for her entire life, her voice has been stifled. Even in the United States, she cannot speak freely without risking the freedom of her own life or her family’s.
A part of Mary will always love her country since her time living in Russia carries her fondest childhood memories. However, in her teens this love was tainted when a relative encouraged her to investigate what was happening with the Russian government.
She began unpacking layers of a nightmare. “I felt I was going to go crazy. I can’t stand it any less now. I have reached this point where I cannot even go back to my country. What’s happening is insanity.”
Mary expressed that, in her view, roughly 75% of people seem to realize something is wrong but are silent. The suppression, for her family, is nothing new, however. During the time of the Soviet Union, one of Mary’s relatives was arrested for telling a lighthearted joke criticizing the government while hanging out with his friends. It was one of his closest friends who reported him.
A documentary titled “Navalny” tells the story of Russian opposition leader and former presidential candidate, Alexei Navalny. The U.S. embassy in the country of Georgia provides evidence suggesting that Putin attempted to assassinate Navalny with poison, and though he survived, he is still experiencing effects and is imprisoned.
Another example of suppression by the Russian government occurred in Belarus, a country that Mary said is like “Russia’s puppy, following whatever Putin says.” In this circumstance, Belarusian journalist Roman Protasevich and his girlfriend, Sofia Sapega, attempted to escape Belarus by plane to Finland. Their plans were halted when a member of the government reported a bomb on Protasevich’s plane. Although the plane was closer to a bordering country, they were commanded to land in Belarus. There was no bomb, but they detained Protasevich and his girlfriend for previously “inciting unrest.”
Cases like Navalny and Protasevich are endless. A person can even be imprisoned for reposting or liking “hate speech,” which essentially consists of anything critical of the Russian government. Mary has more freedom to speak since she doesn’t have a relatively large social media following, but she knows anyone could report her posts, potentially resulting in an arrest. “I know it’s not good to post. I try to be not silent, but, even living in America, if they can’t get me, they could get my family,” Mary said.
Still, sometimes Mary takes the chance, attempting to not cross the invisible lines. She said, as a rule of thumb, she can post her dissatisfaction but not the evidence for why because it would be flagged as fake news or hate speech.
On top of posting on social media, some Russian citizens present their frustrations by attending peaceful protests. Mary has attended a few and is willing to risk imprisonment, but she doesn’t want her family to face fines.
Elaborating on the environment these protests create, Mary recalled a night when she was studying in a Starbucks. She stepped outside only to be confronted by the OMON, a special police-unit branch within Russia’s national guard. They questioned if she was on the block to protest. Mary was more afraid then than she was at previous protests because at protests one can be mentally prepared and even physically prepared with food and water to be imprisoned. That night, though, she was terrified until they allowed her to go home.
It is an understatement to say things got stricter after Feb. 24, 2022. This day is forever burned into Mary’s memory. She will never forget the text from her friend in the morning saying that the war had started.
Though the Russo-Ukrainian War has been ongoing since 2014, Putin’s invasion into Ukraine set off a major escalation. Those Mary knew had seen the signs but still thought it was a joke. They hoped that, though Putin might be radical, he couldn’t start something like this. For Mary, it was so strange that they would be at war against Ukraine, seeing that many Ukrainian citizens are ethnically Russian and vice versa.
The following months were marked by deep sadness. Friends severed ties with Mary because of her lack of support for Russia. Mary said the propaganda had convinced them the war was helping to save Ukrainian lives because it was “rescuing them” from the Ukrainian government. “But how can we save people by killing them?” Mary asked.
The propaganda, while usually subtle, has increased in its aggressiveness since the invasion. Although there has been pushback from teachers, propaganda is especially evident in schools. Mary said she never experienced this in school to its full extent. However, she felt the history books sometimes rewrote history, recalling how one time she discovered that three different textbooks had three different dates for the same major historical event. This, she believed, reflected a much larger issue.
Additionally, since the invasion, protests that usually numbered into the thousands quickly diminished in size due to the OMON increasingly arresting protesters. “You gotta be quick. Except often they’re quicker, and if they use violent force, often it leads to more than just bruises and scratches” Mary said.
With this as context, when Mary came to the United States, it was like witnessing a miracle. It was a new world where for the first time she was able to open up. She welcomed the change but had to learn to flip the switch and start speaking about what was important to her.
Even as a kid, Mary couldn’t fully share her thoughts. Culturally in Russia, she explained, they are taught to suppress their emotions — taught to not tell others their problems and to not smile at someone if they walk by because then they would be seen as psycho, according to Mary.
At APU, Mary is smiling more. She detailed on her first day of classes, she felt fully valued despite being in a less authoritative position than the professors. When professors talked about their pets and families, she found it to be strange yet wonderful that they would be so personal. A second surprise came when students asked several questions to the professor. In Russia this would be a sign of not listening or having the audacity to question the professor’s authority.
She is also amazed at how naturally God is brought up in conversations on campus. In Russia, religion is a very private matter. Those who do believe in God tend to emphasize suffering for God and the fear one should have of Him. “We’re not really taught to love God but to only suffer for him, and so God doesn’t come with positive emotions,” Mary said.
This made her first Easter in America very interesting. It was different to see many publicly rejoice over Christ’s resurrection. She adds that she had also never seen an Easter egg hunt nor experienced the Easter bunny before.
Amongst these eye opening moments, the tribulations back home are never far from mind. She worries her dad or brother will be drafted into the war. And though one of her relatives had escaped, he had to return for his passport. Many anxiously await a draft letter, which Mary views as a death sentence,saying it’s less about how strong a person is and more about what a bomb can do.
Mary has friends whose brothers and father have been killed in war. She hates the absence of stability. “For now all I can do is just be thankful to God that I’ve never lost anyone. I’m familiar with many difficulties, but the thought of losing someone I love really scares me,” said Mary.
Still, though Mary faces challenges that many of us do not face, and though she has grown up in a different culture, at the heart of it, there lies no difference. Like us all, she wants her family to be safe, and someday she hopes that her country will find peace.
*Last name omitted for safety concerns outlined in article