Finding a healthy way to fight and win the internal battle
Andrew Earle | Guest Writer
According to research conducted in 2007, young adults are more sexually active and responsive than at any other stage of human development. In an empirical study by Regan and Atkins, men re- ported experiencing a higher overall level of sexual desire and more frequent sexual thoughts than females. However, nearly all the participants in the sample of 676 men and women re- ported feeling sexual desires on a regular basis. In light of this information it is important for us to first normalize the behavior of having sexual impulses. Normalizing the behavior supports everyone who struggles with their own lustful thoughts or the lustful thoughts of others. Within certain religious sub- systems there are often topics that are not discussed (this being one of them).
Let’s take courageous steps in being honest with our issues and accepting those who share their struggles. Everyone has struggles unique to them and whether you are a Christian or not, we must realize that we are all fellow travelers on this journey of life who deal with inevitable darkness. It would benefit the APU student body as a whole if we all kept this “fellow traveler” perspective on the forefront of our minds.
Women should not be blamed for the lustful thoughts of men, and men must take responsibility for the thoughts they dwell on. However, women can take steps toward helping men who are struggling. I do acknowledge that certain men will wrongly view women regardless of their apparel, but in my eyes it can only help men (especially those who are attempting to eliminate this behavior) if women take steps toward dressing more modestly. This gives women more control over how they are perceived. In a presentation called The Evolution of the Swimsuit by the actress and clothing designer Jessica Rey, an insightful talk on this issue is discussed more in depth. (Check it out on the YouTube).
Rey presents the history of the bikini within our society, an empirical study on the male brain and practical steps one can take towards dressing more conservatively.
I lived in Trinity my freshman year, and lustful thoughts, pornography struggles and other topics of this sort were regularly discussed. While these discussions were often helpful, there were certainly situations in which they appeared harmful. At times individuals seemed to use discussions of their pornography struggles and lustful thoughts (which were often comedic) to in some way justify their behaviors. These behaviors are adverse to a psychological and Christian perspective. Pornography has a devastating effect on every individual addicted to it, their loved ones and individuals who contribute to the production of pornography at every step of the way. Although there is potential harm in engaging in these conversations in certain contexts, it is better to share these issues rather than suppressing them and the thoughts and feelings that may be fueling this behavior.
I strongly encourage open and honest conversations with individuals we trust. These conversations are difficult to have at times, but we must courageously show vulnerability with those closest to us and be willing to intently listen while seeking to understand what other individuals experience. We must share any guilt bothering us and thoughts pertaining to what is fueling our lustful thinking with our closest friends and therapists. (I have used the 10 complementary therapy sessions that APU provides annually, and they continue to be incredibly enlightening experiences). I do not feel that many of my closest friends would say that I have any huge problems in my life; however, I believe that everyone has personal issues that one would benefit from working out in a professional therapeutic setting.
Both men and women have lustful thoughts. It seems as though lustful thoughts and pornography go hand- in-hand, and it is indisputable that pornography has a harmful impact on our society as a whole. What we must consider is what we do with our lustful thoughts.
Stephen Lambert, an associate professor in the department of psychology at APU, holds that every human has lustful thoughts, so we must strive to resist denying these cognitions because this is dishonest. We should not feel guilt when we have these desires, but rather acknowledge them and stubbornly choose to discontinue them.
With this being said, it is import- ant that we make sure to acknowledge and be honest about other harmful cognitions that we hold. My father, a licensed marriage and family therapist, encourages his clients to use what he calls the three-second rule. First, notice you are having the thought. Second, tell yourself to stop and third, refocus on something productive. If you feel controlled by these thoughts then it seems most wise to take advantage of the therapy offered to APU students.